teh retardies!

happy valentine's day!

2009-02-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.

As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"

"No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."

end of october :D

2008-10-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

it's the end of october.
so yea... happy halloween.

and to all C&H fans out there...
please say goodbye again :D
you should know what i mean...
*winkswinks*

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-28T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-27T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-24T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-22T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

*** again? yes, again.

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-19T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-16T00:01:00.003+08:00

***familiar right? yea i know ;D

cos it is a repeat comic! LOL wth... humans make mistakes all the time you know xD

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

nyahahahah. kena owned sia.

2008-10-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-12T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-10T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

it's a true story and it's definitely not funny. or issit?

2008-10-07T10:58:00.000+08:00

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

Armstrong explained, "When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

i've got balls. have you?

2008-10-01T09:00:00.000+08:00

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey.

When she found Joey she told him what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was.

Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"

cyanide and happiness

2008-10-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-29T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

:)

2008-09-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.

"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "Never, my dear."

The wife said, "I'm sure you would."

So the husband said, "Okay, I would"

"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.

And the husband replied, "I suppose so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?"

"I doubt she'd want to," the husband said. "She'd be so much thinner."

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-27T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

LOL. and that's all i have to say :)

2008-09-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

like zomg? is that a retardie?

2008-09-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

A VISIT TO TEH DENTIST!

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.

The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-17T00:01:00.002+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

***heh. familiar? *winkwink*

cyanide and happiness

2008-09-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

prelims :D

2008-08-26T00:01:00.001+08:00

okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. and teh-retardies shall close down once again.
temporary or permanent, i dont friggin care.
but it'll just close cos the prelims are here!!!!!111

lol. i cant always be involved in such bullcrap cos i need to study leh!
and so do you guys... zzz.
anyway, jy for prelims and Os!!!
please dont make your mama cry :D

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-22T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

*** from tomorrow onwards, C&H may have a some slight changes to the design here and there.
which means, the design of the people will vary and stuff. but whatever la, they are still C&H anyway.

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-19T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-18T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-14T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-11T00:01:00.004+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-08-10T00:01:00.001+08:00

im actually not sorry for the inconvenience caused.

2008-07-30T18:23:00.005+08:00

yo pple! im back from my looooooooong break already :D
im sincerely proud to announce that C&H will be back on teh retardies!!!

no. not now. not tomorrow.
but from 10th august onwards...
muahahahahahahahahahahaha...
i still need a lil more break la.

anyway, pls dont be too happy cos i may take a "looooooooooong break" anytime i want to.
depending on my mood and stuff.

so yea. dah. that's it. end of story.

(i seriously dont understand why you people like to read this kinda stuff so much.)

sorry for the inconvenience caused people!

2008-07-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

dear readers of cyanide & happiness,

There will TEMPORARILY be no more updates for c&h daily comics.
ha! fuck you people.
im human also. so i need a goddam break man.
muahahahahahahah xD

heh. i really deserve a looooooooong break!
so please dont miss c&h orh...
but even if you do, then that's your friggin' problem.

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

Final Confessions

2008-07-09T03:34:00.001+08:00

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-09T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-08T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-07T00:01:00.002+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-06T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-05T00:01:00.002+08:00

** argh. i think there's something wrong with this goddam thing. but no worries! just click teh goddam picture then can liao.

but i dont think this will happen from tomorrow onwards la.

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-04T00:01:00.003+08:00

** please click on the image if you cant view the comic.

wtf did you say about mama?

2008-07-03T03:24:00.000+08:00

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town."

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..."

Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-03T00:01:00.002+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-07-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-30T00:01:00.001+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

be careful of what you wish for.

2008-06-28T03:00:00.001+08:00

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other.
One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.

The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

It was the rabbit's turn. He got on his motorcycle, put his helmet on, started the engines and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-26T17:37:00.002+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

drinkin' with teh guys :D

2008-06-21T00:02:00.001+08:00

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a few beers with them.

Dave replied, ''No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late.''

Dave's friend said, ''When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex. She won't say anything.''

So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After a while, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there.

When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife inside. ''How did you get here?'' he asked.

''Shhhh,'' she replied, ''my mom is sleeping.''

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

cyanide and happiness

2008-06-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

Sunday School

2008-06-18T00:20:00.001+08:00

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School (Religious Class for Christians).
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!!!!''

The Teacher fainted.